I just wanted to celebrate two things here on the blog: First of all the blog is 8 years old as of February 6th. Also my last post was my 1900th post.

I was also informed just recently that Google is changing the way that Blogger works a bit, so I am going to have to move my blog to a new location. At this point I think I am also going to pick a new name as well. Any name suggestions?

Today is my 8th day out from chemo and I am feeling a little more lively this morning. I had a conversation this morning with a nurse as part of some "complex care" benefit from my health insurance. She hooked me up with a dietitian who I will be talking to tomorrow and see if I can't do something to gain some weight AND stay healthy.

My good friend Ryan comes on Thursday for the weekend. Not too sure what we'll do, but I'm sure we can come up with something.

Thanks for the continued support and prayers.

~B.

I am tired of being tired as often as I am. If I had planned things I would have been at OC today helping with a domain migration that has been a year plus in the planning. But today I am at home completely worn out from low potassium and magnesium counts. My pain level hasn't disappeared, but it has gone down to a level that I can easily ignore most of the time.

But I find myself wondering, as I have planned none of this cancer stuff, and it looks like I'm going to be in this battle for another 9 months at least, I wonder what's next? I pray daily that God will make this cancer disappear, and I know many of you are praying the same thing. Here we are in February, with looking at something like October before chemo is over. I am standing at the foothills with what I have gone through already and I am looking up towards the peak and I do not know if I will see the summit. And then when I get there are there more mountains behind? Will I ever kick this? My strength is not sufficient to hold me out for more than a couple years of this. I must rely on God's strength for my solutions, but I don't know how much of this, how long, I want to battle this.

This last week was a lot to handle, and I am torn down.

~B.

I don't know if sometimes doctor's just think their patients are complete pansies and can't tolerate a little pain or what. Yesterday Every time I laid back in bed my heart would start beating massively fast and it would hurt like crazy. (On top of the already crazy pain I had going on) This morning was the same situation. None of my limbs were going numb or any other heart attack symptoms so I wasn't too concerned other than the pain it was generating.

This afternoon I went into the infusion center to get some blood work done and waited at least 2 hours for results. At first the doctor said, everything looks fine. (I even had an EKG) The nurse came back and told me the doctor said everything looks normal but she could give me some pain killer before I left. I took her up on the option and 10 minutes later she comes back and says, "I called the doctor again and he realized he was looking at last weekend's blood work, not todays. Change in plans, you are critically low on potassium and magnesium. Which would explain why your heart is freaking out."

So they infused me with some of both and told me to come back tomorrow for some more. Pain problem solved. Funny, I thought there was something wrong with me. I try not to make this stuff up.

Thanks for the support the past couple of days as I have dealt with this pain. I am sure that it was your prayers that helped me not "fall through the crack" with the bloodwork mix-up, and was able to get a solution started tonight.

Thanks.

~B.

I have been sleeping through the night but my body seems to be working harder than usual to fix itself, and it is leaving me insanely drained. I seriously haven't been in this much prolonged pain since I had shingles at the end of my last bout with this cancer.

They gave me some kind of liquid pain killer that does a pretty good job of taking away the pain, but one of the side effects (besides tasting like pineapple soap) seems to be appetite suppressant and at my last weigh in I was a solid 130lbs. Which is I believe the lowest point I was at last time I had a run in with DSCRT. I BADLY need to gain weight and as much as I would like to do it by eating everything fatty and generally bad for me (Pizza 3 times a week wouldn't be bad for me would it? I mean what if it was veggie pizza?) I really feel like I should at least attempt some pretty healthy eating, being as no one really knows what causes this cancer, it sure wouldn't hurt to hit my body with just about everything healthy I can find. (I've mostly given up beef BTW. More for the health reasons than anything else. I've noticed that when I am recovering that nothing hurts my body so much as some type of beef.)

My "darling" as of late has been salads with blue cheese dressing. I would prefer a Roquefort dressing, but sadly I cannot locate it in the stores. (Also Roquefort is some kind of crazy expensive cheese these days, so I'll have to stick to a simple blue.)

I wanted to thank everyone for the continued outpouring of support. I have to confess that it's weeks like this that my battle seems too much to bear. It's hard living and makes me so tired. Especially when I spend pretty much all day in bed without doing a whole lot. I am very glad for my laptop which becomes a kind of portal to outside.

I miss the rain. It's snowed here a bit this winter, but I could really use some nice rain. I think it would give me a nice cleansing feeling. It's kind of funny that I complain about being bored of lying in bed all day, there really are a million things I could do. However working is one of the main things I would like to be doing. Maybe I just need to change my definition of work to fit something that I can do lying down.

Thanks for the continued love and support.

~B.

The past few days I have spent extra time in the infusion center due to some strange and rather intense pain. (Saturday was a 7 on the pain scale and Sunday was an 8) Sometimes these mysterious pains make it very hard to do what I feel like I am supposed to be doing.

Lisa's folks have been in town since Wednesday and they have been a wonderful help both in moving me around, helping Lisa with foods, and keeping me company in the infusion center.

Dear team I really need prayer support. I really feel like I can't do anything and this pain is strange.

~B.