The subject marks the 4th time today I have written those two words (are our) in that order in less than an hour. The fact that those are popping up kind'a weirded me out so I thought I would make a point of pointing them out.

I have an observation about Colorado Springs: Lisa and I are tiny. I am noticing this about almost everywhere we go around here I feel small. In the class I went to think morning at church the shortest guy was my height, but probably twice as wide muscle wise. All the other guys were a good amount taller than me. There were a few women that were shorter than I was, but generally they were my height or taller. I don't feel like this was ever something I noticed in Seattle. I don't know... Dan, you would feel average here.

I wanted to shout, "Where do you keep your short(er) people!?" Maybe it's the atmosphere up here though... less oxygen, requires more body-mass to take in more? Maybe? No... didn't think so. Maybe there is some rule about how close you are to Texas.

Either way it appears that Lisa and I are going to get to do some growing up.

~B.

Labels: humor

Few people realize this but... well, I have a problem. Some of you know that I can be slightly "obsessive compulsive" about some things (like, for instance, stacking things. (Fruit in the grocery store, or books aligned in a bookstore)) so it probably shouldn't come as any kind of huge shock that I really enjoy the game Tetris.

I envision something like this happening in my life some day:

I come home and there are a lot of people sitting in the living room. There's Lisa, looking slightly worried, mom and dad, and a few friends. "Hey, what's up? Is this a surprise party?" I'll ask.
Lisa will look at me seriously and say, "No Ben, we're here..." a slight pause, "we're here because we love you."
I'll get that feeling like the floor has just dropped out from under me and I'll stagger backwards into an open chair. "What... what is this about?"
Lisa will glance at the gathered friends and family and start to say, "Well... its.. well..." Dan will stand up then and walk over to where I am sitting, crouch down and put his hand on my shoulder and say, "Ben, it's about Tetris."
"Tetris!" I'll laugh. "I just do that to relax, it's a fun, harmless game!"
Lisa will at this point start crying in her mother's shoulder. Dan will shake his head and say, "No, no it's not Ben. Let me see your phone."
"Why?"
He'll hold his hand out and I'll hand over my phone. "I'm deleting Tetris."
"What, ok, well fine."
"We've already removed all the other copies in the house. On the Xbox, the Nintendo DS, the toaster and even destroyed the Tetris board game you've got."
"What? No... what will I do while I'm waiting for toast?!"
"Ben, you have a problem. It's called Tetris."
"Maybe... maybe you're right. But I can stop at any point!"
"Uh-huh... where were you just now?"
"I was... uhhh, out with some friends."
"Your friends are here. What were you out doing?"
"Fine, I was out LARPING Tetris."

Ok, so maybe it won't get to that stage. I mean it's not like I'm playing World of Warcraft or anything. I was just thinking it would be funny to have a Tetris intervention.

This was all brought on, mentally, by the annoucement that EA has released a version of Tetris for the G1.

If you're up for a friendly game of Tetris join me on Facebook. The application is called, "Tetris Friends" and it's pretty cool.

More details, less fiction, on real life a bit later.

~B.

Labels: humor

I like to think that when I give someone my email address (at least this one) that it's pretty obvious WHO you are sending email to. My name and my email address, one and the same. Toni, however, seems to have missed that fact. This is made even worse by the fact that she has called me 4 times in the last 2 weeks and asked for me by name each time. (As Ben, not Jim)

The email ends: "I have really enjoyed working with you. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of any further assistance :-)"

~B.

Labels: humor, pictures

Wait... where did dinner go?

Great moments in birdy-culinary history. Part 1.

~B.

Labels: humor, pictures

Every time I tend to meet people for the first time and we get to talking about ourselves, the questions go something like this, "Are you married? What's your wife's name? Do you have kids?" It's always the last question that shocks me.

Kids? What? No! I'm not old enough to have kids! Then I say, "No! I mean, no. No kids." and the conversation continues. I find myself wondering afterwords (like now) why I have that reaction. I mean people my age have children, in fact my own parents had 2 children, soon to be going on 3, by the time they were my age.

Is that a sign you aren't ready for children? Is that how everyone feels until they do? (Looking at you Dan McC) It's just strange, you'd think my head would be like, "Nope, no kids." and not this kind of reeling, "WHAT? Do I look like I have kids? I'm not old enough for that... am I?"

Maybe I should tend more towards being one of those "pet people" who when people ask if I have children I can say, "Yes, but he's small and green!" Then I spend the next 3 minutes getting myself OUT of that conversation and the other person feeling awkward.

But no. No kids.

~B.

Labels: humor

I don't know what the deal is. I have used eBay now for 8 years and only in the last 2 did I get "burned" and since then my trust of online selling venues has been virtually non-exsistant. Case in point, I use craigslist, I know people that use craigslist. But in my head Craigslist is prowled by people that are out to rip you off and steal everything you own.

I've been working on this viewpoint as the past 2 things I have sold/ traded have gone very smoothly and it's been a very nice experience. In an attempt to make nice with Craigslist I have posted the stuff I listed on here a few days ago. Wait for sob stories in 3... 2... 1... "I NEED this TV for hundreds of dollars less tan it is worth and/or are asking for it because I ________________." or the ever popular, "Dude, that item ______ is totally not worth that." or, my favorite, "That's not a ___________ Sharp doesn't make a TV like that, it's a ______________ made by ____________ with model number _____________!" (Fanboys who know too much about whatever it is I am selling... or who THINK they know more than I do about what I am selling.)

I'll make sure to keep you posted. Perhaps my faith in the online selling/buying community will be restored through this. (Maybe)

~B.

Labels: For Sale, humor

The other day I went to a website where I saw what I thought was a "misspelling". They had spelled the word "Organisations" and I was like, hmmm, that's not right. I emailed them pointing out that this appeared to be wrong. (as the rest of the site appeared to be in "American English") The site owner wrote back and said that that was the English version on that spelling. He then proceeded to say that "most of the rest of the world" spells it that way. (Organisations vs Organizations)

Feeling horribly stupid I did a Google search for it. True enough, it looks like they spell it like that in the UK... HOWEVER, there were some 72 million hits for "Organisations" while there were 211 million hits for "Organizations". And the wikipedia article is spelled with a Z. Which leads me to believe that "Most of the rest of the world" happens to be a small island in the Atlantic.

I find this funny because I hear about the "Ignorant Americans" all the time. In this case however I think I'm not crazy for having never seen that spelling before. And "most of the rest of the world" doesn't spell it that way.

(Am I wrong to think it was misspelled if they spell "color" right and other things with "American English" and they just happen to spell "Organisation" in the UK fashion?)

~B.

Labels: humor

"By clicking the "I agree" button, I agree that Hitachi GST products will not be used for the design, development, manufacturing, testing, stockpiling, or use of biological, nuclear, missile or chemical weapons."

Big problem with that Hitachi? I am just trying to return a broken HD... not take over the world... (But MAN would it be difficult to be an IT guy for a crazy person hell-bent on taking over the world. "Ummm... I can't morally click that link...")

But then if I WAS doing any of the above my guess is that I would simply hit "next" anyway because I have no problem with slightly shady doings. Silly, silly "warnings" on websites.

~B.

Labels: humor

Funny thought:
The phone systems we have at TTC and NSB are the same and allow for a queuing system that not only plays music but can say the occasional message. (You are number XX in line, please hold, Your call is important to us, etc, etc)

Wouldn't it be funny if there was a bit of "Truth in Holding" among big companies? I think it would look something like this:

Me: "I'm going to call ___________ (insert big company) and see if they can't take care of the issue I have been having with ______________ (insert piece of technology)!"
Phone System (PS): "You have called the (big company) technical support line. Our menu options change constantly so you have to listen to the whole message. Are you sure you wanted to call us? Press 1 to be disconnected, press 2 to be connected up with the sales department, press 3 to listen to this message again, press 4 to be connected with someone in India you can't understand, press 5 for me to ignore the key press and repeat this message again, or press 6 to enter the call queue where your odds of speaking to a real human being are 50%... the other 50% is possible disconnection. To be disconnected now press 1..."
Me: *6*
PS: "We appreciate you listening to this whole message as we have chosen to hire a voice actor and give him lunch in exchange for using his voice across our phone system. You have obviously made it this far so you must have a semi-legitimate question." rings once "I'm sorry all of our phone operators are either busy playing Halo or pretending to be busy but are really just talking into their headsets. If you'd like to be disconnected press 1 now... otherwise stay on the line and you will be connected up to our over-seas connection. Press 2 to remain the queue and possibly talk to someone who can help you."
Me: quickly pressing 2
PS: "Ahh, I see there is no shaking you. I suppose we have 'separated the wheat from the chaff' as it were. You are position 231, the current wait time is the same amount of time it takes for a human to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. If this doesn't deter you then please listen to our hold music. 45 minutes of this should soften you up a bit." Infinite looping semi-techo-pop music with occasional country vocals echo from the phone headset.
Me: "Bring it on phone system."

36.5 minutes later...

PS: "Hello..."
Me: "What? Oh Hello! I have a problem with..."
PS: "... and thank you for holding. I'm back to pretty much make sure you're still tethered to your phone. We hope you've been enjoying our brainwash... errr... hold music. You can still quit! Press 1 to stay queued up, press 2 to be connected to an overseas office, or stay on the line to be dropped from our system."
Me: press 1
PS: "Yeah... that's what I thought. Please continue to hold."

42.46 minutes of techno-country-pop later...

PS: "Are you still there? Your call has started to be a minor annoyance and burden to our phone system. I am pleased to inform you however that you are now number 230 in our queue... in other words time wise consider yourself just off the coast of Rhode Island. Keep swimming. Please Hold."

2 more hours of phone system mockery...

PS: "Well, I've had my fun. How can I help you?"
Me: "What? You mean it's been a person the whole time?"
PS: "Yep. In fact I'm the only one on the phone here and you've been listening to my synthesizer playing. Would you care to buy the CD?"
Me: "Ahh, no. I had a question about my (broken piece of technology)."
PS: "Oh, well I hate to tell you this, but that version is no longer supported. It was obsolete about 2 hours ago. Let me connect you up with sales... please hold."


~B.

Labels: humor