802.heaven

In up and out

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:39:00 +0000

Yesterday was pretty "bleh". I woke up hurting ALL over. When I got to the infusion center they gave me some drugs that helped bring the pain down, but we were a little experimental in how we went about covering the sickness that can come with those drugs, and I ended up spending the rest of the day throwing up whatever I ate. At the end of the time I got some drug I never remember having before, and I think it made me slightly paranoid and shaky. So when I got home I went to bed and about the only thing I could do was sleep to get rid of the side effects. I didn't really eat anything yesterday and this morning I don't hurt as much, but I still hurt. I think it's from all the "activity" yesterday.

We'll see if I can't survive the weekend. Thanks.

~B.

Sleeping Alone (plus God story)

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:45:00 +0000

Well, there is an advantage to having another bedroom with a bed in it, other than letting guests stay there the 1/3rd (or less) of the year they are here. Sleeping here when Lisa is sick and I am trying desperately not to get what she has. I guess you can say we're having marriage troubles of the medical variety. She's sick and I don't want to be. So I am trying out the bamboo sheets for the first time. (Yes, sheets made from actual bamboo!) These things are soft! (Much nicer than the couch, which has started to give me back problems I think)

Today in chemo was BORING. I was thinking I would be much more out of it and well I wasn't. I watched at least 4 hours of TV and was honestly ready to tear my eyes out by the end of it. Tomorrow I bring the backpack of entertainment with me. There will be things to read, there will be ways to write ideas down, I can play video games!

A few days ago I mentioned looking for projects to keep me busy. (Other than increasing my Netflix movie list, and XBox 360 gamerscore) I have decided to more seriously dive into the sci-fi I have always thought about writing and see what it would take to write some semi-short (you know, the stuff you can sell to magazines?) sci-fi that is inspired by my favorites such as Bradbury, Kress, and other time honored Sci-fi writers.

In truth I am starting with something I think I can handle. I have a story in my head (Lisa and Beth have both seen some of it) that I don't think I am quite ready to tell yet. It's like wine in my head and hasn't aged enough yet. I expect, Lord willing and I live long enough, that it could be my "Magnum Opus", and I don't really want to tell it until I feel like I can tell it without regrets. Movie's might get "reboots" but books seldom (coughEndersShadowcough) do.

Medically the port is still hurting, which makes my shoulder and back and neck hurt as well. Too many muscles supporting muscles I think. (Them installing it almost over the old groshong spot (complete with bruises) didn't help at all I imagine.) It's getting better though. Thanks for the prayers. Also a word on Lisa's comment about me preferring surgery to a plane flight. Yes this is a true statement. I can't think of too much defense for that other than, "Yeah but I can sleep through surgery! ... and I'm not going to fall 30k feet." (Unless I had some strange dream while under that I spent the WHOLE time falling and couldn't wake up...)

Oh! God story this evening. Lisa emailed me and told me she was sick, but could stay at work until I was done. I then got a call from a work-friend, who said he could pick me up. I agreed, and that let Lisa go home and sleep all afternoon. When I got home I found myself watching a food show and wondering what I was going to eat for dinner. (I was thinking it was going to come out of a can) I then fell asleep and was awaken from sleepy-land by noisy parrot. Shortly after scowling at the bird for a while I got a phone call from another co-worker. She had prepared dinner and was heading over with it. Dinner would not be from a can tonight! We were blessed with a meal and I didn't have to bother Lisa in her grogginess to suggest things for dinner. So thank you very much wonderful person from work. You have blessed us with God's timing on your dinner! (And still leftovers for lunch!)

So yes, that last paragraph did confirm a fact. Lisa is sick and has been sleeping most of the day. She needs prayer that she can get some good rest, not stress out about work, and recover well. The flip side being that I don't catch whatever it is (why I am sleeping alone) and that the chemo this week continues to do good in my body.

Now to bed. Thanks for the prayers and support!

~B.

Surgery over flying

noreply@blogger.com (Lisa) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:30:00 +0000

A quick update about today: Ben got in to the hospital early for his outpatient surgery. I was pretty impressed with how relaxed he was about having surgery - he said he'd rather do that than get on an airplane :)

Instead of a groshong, his oncologist decided to put in a port. These seem to be the more common semi-permanent way for people to be ready to receive chemo. The word is that they are more sanitary (since they stay under the skin) and Ben can shower with it - but the nurses do have to go through the skin to give him chemo. I haven't gotten a good look at it yet, but they tell me the surgery went well.

In the late morning Ben went straight to the infusion center for chemo. His infection must be gone because we haven't heard anything about it despite blood tests (yay!). Now Ben is tired and in some pain. With a foreign object lodged in his chest, that's not too surprising. I'm hoping he can recover well from this minor surgery while receiving chemo this week.

Sleep? ha

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:04:00 +0000

Last night I tried for more than a few hours in more than a handful of different ways to get to sleep. Finally fell asleep at about 3am halfway through "Walk Don't Run", which was the last Cary Grant film. Can't give you a movie review as I slept through half of it. Seemed like situational humor though.

Groshong installed "first thing" Monday morning. Which means 6:30am. Generally "first thing" means 8 or 9. I guess they reserve a time for when the doctor's say "first thing" they mean it. Then chemo right after that.

Please continue to pray for chemo, as well as the "minor" surgery on Monday.

~B.

Battle in the body

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 04:14:00 +0000

Chemo is bad enough for the body without adding heavy doses of antibiotics and tearing little lines out of my body. I'm not quite sure what it is about extended stays in the hospital either. They really do a number on me emotionally. I know I could really do without them.

This week will complete 4 weeks without chemo. Seeing the doctor tomorrow and most likely starting up chemo again on Monday. I feel like I've just been out of chemo for a week or so though energy wise. We'll see how the weekend goes. Should be getting a new groshong installed on Monday morning as well. Gotta get that chemo in me somehow.

Lisa has been super great as I have been an emotional wreck. I think perhaps she is handling everything better than I would if our roles were reversed. I am glad she is handling it though. I would have a hard time doing any of this without her.

You can continue to pray for my strength, doctor's wisdom, and the effectiveness of the drugs they are giving me. Oh, also, Lisa and I came up with an idea while I was in the hospital last time, and that was for me to have a "project" something semi-long term that I can work on that can keep me/ my mind occupied. I would also ask for prayer for finding out what that is.

Thanks for your continued support.

~B.

Little friends!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:54:00 +0000

Today I had a visit here in the hospital from a friend and she brought some drawing that her students had done to wish me well. The team expands! Thanks so much for all your continued generosity!

-B.

Headboard

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 04:27:00 +0000

This is the headboad above my head as I sleep.

Thanks team for the prayers and well wishes.

-B.

Looks like no chemo

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:13:00 +0000

Looks like I am not going to doing chemo this week. This doesn't I won't be at the hospital though.

I've been submitted the hospital 3 to maybe 7 days. I have some sort of staff infection. So odds are good that my groshong will have to be pulled and reinstalled later.

I'm tired. So� I a going to go to bed. Pretty zzzzzzzzzzz

-B.

Rough weekend prayers needed

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:28:00 +0000

I have been submitting to the hospital because the blood tests they took on Saturday are growing something especially nasty. So, who knows how long I'll be here or how long it'll take to be clear of this. Also I am having my groshong removed tomorrow.

I have been feeling horri ble most of the weekend and I hope this starts to wrap it up.

So prayers could be used.

-B.

Time-zones

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 11:14:00 +0000

It's 4:30am here in Houston, 3:30am in COS and for the bulk of you reading this it is 2:30am. I don't know why 3am is when I wake up, but it is. I am very worn out. Wish I wasn't up.

The doctor yesterday told me at this point the cancer is stable. At the same time kind of crushing some hopes in the process. He said that there is too much cancer by my heart and trachea that he is afraid my heart would get too much radiation/ it would burn up my throat.

He also said that surgery would most likely be life threatening. (Though he said there was a guy here in town who would do a routine where he REMOVES my heart, clears it off and the surrounding area and puts it back. Can't imagine recovery from that is easy.) And then surgery on my trachea could / would damage it permenately.

So it looks like this chemo and/or stronger chemo is the way it's going to go. Though there are some experimental treatments I am not sure if my platelets would stay high enough for me to get in and stay in one of those. My platelets already tend to trend low.

Of course I can't help but laugh a little to myself as I find myself disapointed in what medical technology can do. Aaaaand I think I maybe need to read my post on Psalm 20 v5 again. What was that about trusting in chariots and horses? (Read: medical tech) We trust in the name of the Lord our God. Ok. I'm starting to get the idea in real application "this is your life" type stuff here. Trust in God is what I've got right now.

Lisa was talking about the experimental treatments yesterday afternoon and I reminded her (as she has done already 3 or 4 times to me) "chariots and horses" which is a quick reminder not to trust the tech. It'll be something I need to remember.

I continue to ask God what He is doing, but I don't really get the answers I am looking for so much. "Making you stronger" and "impacting other people's lives" are generally what I hear. I have yet to hear, "making you a medical wonderland of mysteriously healed mega rare cancers". (not like that isn't still an option, and it is very much still a hope) We were seeing a therapist a while back and something he said stuck with me. He said that with God in our lives there is very seldom one answer to "why". Which I guess is something I understand. I guess sometimes I just don't understand as it seems to me that God gave me a great mind for technology and how it works and how I can help further His kingdom with it. And in MY mind that would be a more effective use of my life. However, that's not what I am doing right now. And honestly, I don't understand. I don't have the answers I want. I have some answers, but not so much the ones I really want... but I guess that is why they call it faith huh? Why would I trust that God knows what He is doing if I had all the answers? I love technology and helping people. God also knows the other desires of my heart and things I want to do. The mountain is steep, but I hope to put a gift shop up there. (See previous post)

Ok, time to try and sleep again. I probably had too much on my mind. And being the writer I am I was drawn to blogging at 2/3/4am. Thanks again for the continued support.

-B.

Stable

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:10:00 +0000

Well, word from the doc is that the tumors are stable. They haven't changed much/ at all from the last time. But I guess "stable" is better than "larger".

We got a lot of information but I really don't have the emotional fortitude to put all that down at the moment. I'll try to get more information down here later.

We're a little disappointed, but this is where we're at now.

Bit of good news: The doctor was only 30 minutes off our start time! No 3 hour wait time. So I wasn't climbing the walls (too much) by the time the doc got there.

We're going to go to the Zoo now.

Thanks team. Please keep praying.

~B.

Mountains

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:18:00 +0000

I was just singing some Rich Mullins songs to myself (no rocking back and fourth though) when I was singing "Hold me Jesus" there is a line that made me pause and think: "sometimes this life just don't make sense at all / when the mountains look so big, and my faith just seems so small."

I got to thinking about what big mountains look like. I stare up at Pike's Peak almost every day. That mountain looks like one you can't climb. Then I remembered something I tell a lot of people: Zebulon Pike, one of the old founders of COS looked at the mountain and said, "I don't think it'll ever be climbed." To which I laughingly add, "and now there is a gift shop at the top!" (And at least 3 different ways to get to the top: train, car or hike)

So this got me thinking about the mountain in front of me. Like living in COS the mountain looks big, but we are also already at 6500 feet. Like me I've already been up part of this mountain range before. This trek before me looks impossible... but who knows, someday there might be a gift shop at the top, or at least a flag, to mark that and tell the story of how I got to the top of my mountain.

We go in hopeful and victorious. Thanks team for the backup.

-B.

Today's the day

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:05:00 +0000

Ok, today's the day. We find out if the chemo has been having any more effect on these crazy tumors. I'm not going to lie: these meetings with the doctor are probably some of the scarest things that happen in my life. I have NO idea what he is going to say when he comes in. It could range from "wow great news!" To "well it's not responding like I'd like" to "bad news, there has been a massive cell repoduction". I mean I walk in there (and wait forever) and I don't know what the run down is going to be until he sits down and starts talking. Yes he said some hopeful things last time but this cancer stuff (excuse me) is a bitch and sometimes the chemo works, and sometimes it doesn't. I have a friend of Facebook with this same stuff and the chemo doesn't work on her anymore. (Not sure if it ever did though) I am going to go spend some time with God. He's gotten me this far (through this once already when it was 3 times harder at least), we'll see what He has to say.

P.S. I am shaking in my boots over this meeting. The chemo I am currently on is still plan A. We still have B and C to go if this is failing. Psalm 20 v5 though (see previous post from Sunday) I need to remember where my trust is.

-B.

Houston, trip the third

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 17:29:00 +0000

Well, we got "there" part down with literally no problems (praise the Lord for that and all who were praying!) I have scans this afternoon, and we see the doctor tomorrow afternoon as well. (Memo to me: bring tent and sleeping bag.)

Then Thursday it's home again and Friday it's another doctor appointment. Then most likely a wonderful weekend and then another week of life draining chemo. (Wooooo)

I am tired. I woke up last night and couldn't figure out where I was. Really confused until I figured out I was in a hotel room. I could do without that experience again.

No lunch for me today as I wait for my pet scan this evening.

By the by Ryan was the last visitor we had booked. Our schedule is now free until... well for a long time (Lord willing) we don't know though our extended chemo or Houston schedule. (We are hoping to cut down on these trips with pet scans in the COS area and possibly phone interactions with the doctor. I mean what is all the point of this technology if not to make life easier?) But if you are interested in staying with us we'd love to talk about it. (Hint: last summer it was cooler here than in Seattle and everything turns green here in the summer, AND if it gets too warm you can head into the mountains where it is 10-15 degrees cooler!)

Enough with the hard-sell. (Don't make me start cold calling my friends on Facebook)

-B.

What I've heard

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:32:00 +0000

I think my dislike, as much as I do, of flying to Houston probably is only really 50% plane and another 50% I really don't want to go to Houston. I probably could have gone my whole life without going to Houston and been just fine. No offense to the Houstonites in the audience, but I'm not a big fan of your city. I am grateful for what MD Anderson has done, don't get me wrong, it's just the same situation as back in Seattle: the oncologist just scares me, and not at a fully conscious level. He's "hurt me" on an emotional level and that is something that I remember, maybe not even consciously.

God was really speaking to me yesterday. I honestly feel like this is the first time in a while I have heard something so clearly. In the morning yesterday I was up a good two hours before everyone else so I decided to do some bible study. A verse came to mind after poking around the bible for a bit. Psalm 20 verse 7: "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."

This lead me to Psalm 20 which I proceeded to look over for a while. Lisa and Ryan eventually came downstairs and we had breakfast and then went to church. At church towards the end there was a study of Psalms 20 that we did. I was blown away, as of all the chapters and verses in the bible it was Psalm 20, the verse I was studying that morning, that we ended up studying.

So, what did I hear? Well, first off with verse 7: stop worrying so much about technology (read: planes) but trust in God to deliver you safely. But it also goes for medical technology. My faith shouldn't be resting on the chemo, or whatever else they choose to do to my body, but it should be in God who really put all this (my body) together in the first place.

Verse 5 also spoke to me as well: "We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your requests." I felt like this was saying to share the victories with all of you as well as the down times. God does provide, even in the midst of this horrible thing I am going through there are victories. Granted we are hoping for the "ultimate" victory of success over cancer in my body, but I think we need to celebrate the minor victories as well. (Like safely getting from here to there and back again on a plane without freaking out.)

Some prayer requests: For a smooth and safe plane flight, that scans/ blood draws go well in Houston, that the doctor is closer to "on time" than the 3 hours we typically wait (after our appointment time) to see him, and that his news will be good news. And these are all things we can "shout for joy" for when we have results.

Hope Extravagantly

~B.

Dark night follows bright day

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 14:44:00 +0000

I envisioned that after the day I had yesterday that sleeping last night wouldn't have been a problem. It was. The first thing that I had problems with were dreams that made me worried. On top of that the wind kept me awake and/or in a very light sleep. I am about as tired now as when I went to bed, but when I go to sleep I have dreams I don't like, so I thought some "awake time" would probably be good.

Yesterday was great though. In the morning Ryan and I had breakfast (Lisa went to her class) and then Ryan and I went to the Zoo. I (surprisingly) made it through the "normal" loop we do of the Zoo here in COS. (Avoid the kids section, and hit the cool stuff.) Not sure how "far" it is mileage wise, but it is very uphill for a good chunk of it. Being as cold as it was a lot of the animals were somewhere else for the cold winter months.

After the tour de Zoo, we drove up the the "Sun Shrine" which is a good couple hundred feet(???) up the mountain where we got an even higher view of COS and surrounding area. Then we drove back home, making sure to head through the Broadmor area and gawk at several of the insanely large houses. (Seattle folks: It's the Mercer Island of COS... only some of the houses are a lot older.)

After resting for a bit we headed out to one of my favorite places to eat, Amanda's Fonda. Some of the tasty-est Mexican/TexMex food in the area. (In my humble opinion) It was pretty busy, and the wait was supposedly 30+ minutes, but we were seated in 15.

Following dinner we watched a movie, and then I was feeling insanely tired (considering I hadn't been out of the house in eight days until yesterday I found the fact that I had energy AFTER dinner to be a surprise.) and thought I would sleep well. So, see what I mean? Great day.

Also, I updated our care calendar (details at the link) if any of you are interested in helping with a meal or moving me around in a semi-drugged out state (I may even forget it even happened! But that doesn't mean I'm not very grateful for your help!) please check it out and sign up. Thanks!

~B.

Beta testing

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:42:00 +0000

Hey Team, I made mention a post or so ago about changing the blog a bit (March 26th is the cut off date so the blog change won't be happening very soon.) so I thought I would share the beta site I am working on making look like I want it to. This will be changing over the next few days and weeks, but you can get a feel for the look and design I am going to be going with.

Check it out here.

~B.

Fruits and Nuts (And a little cheesey)

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:43:00 +0000

I talked to a dietitian yesterday morning. We mainly focused on how I can gain weight. She threw out ideas like adding more high calorie snacks between meals. The other suggestions were pretty much things we are already doing. (Cooking with oil/ butter, drinking things like juice instead of water, drinking the meal supplements, not dancing so much, etc.)

Lisa and I have also kind of casually been looking at alternative eating solutions. Not like I am opening up the door for suggestions or anything. Just something to add the list to pray for for Lisa and I. I can't really try a lot of this stuff while on chemo because it tends to neutralize the chemo before the chemo can neutralize the cancer. I also can't try a bunch of different solutions (Raw food diet, PH balance, etc) at once or one at a time to see if they "work" or not. So when I get free of this chemo stuff we need to pick an option. So we need prayer for wisdom. (Not links for juices that healed cousin Andy, or anecdotal evidence from the internet.) Thanks team for the support.

In other news I received today a very generous gift of a chunk of Roquefort cheese. I am very much looking forward to making some dressing from it, but also enjoying some on a cracker. Hopefully it's high in Calories. Thanks!

Spent the morning "working". (meetings) So I shouldn't be too surprised I am tired right now. Thanks for the support and prayers!

~B.

Happy Blothday

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:47:00 +0000

I just wanted to celebrate two things here on the blog: First of all the blog is 8 years old as of February 6th. Also my last post was my 1900th post.

I was also informed just recently that Google is changing the way that Blogger works a bit, so I am going to have to move my blog to a new location. At this point I think I am also going to pick a new name as well. Any name suggestions?

Today is my 8th day out from chemo and I am feeling a little more lively this morning. I had a conversation this morning with a nurse as part of some "complex care" benefit from my health insurance. She hooked me up with a dietitian who I will be talking to tomorrow and see if I can't do something to gain some weight AND stay healthy.

My good friend Ryan comes on Thursday for the weekend. Not too sure what we'll do, but I'm sure we can come up with something.

Thanks for the continued support and prayers.

~B.

What's next?

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:32:00 +0000

I am tired of being tired as often as I am. If I had planned things I would have been at OC today helping with a domain migration that has been a year plus in the planning. But today I am at home completely worn out from low potassium and magnesium counts. My pain level hasn't disappeared, but it has gone down to a level that I can easily ignore most of the time.

But I find myself wondering, as I have planned none of this cancer stuff, and it looks like I'm going to be in this battle for another 9 months at least, I wonder what's next? I pray daily that God will make this cancer disappear, and I know many of you are praying the same thing. Here we are in February, with looking at something like October before chemo is over. I am standing at the foothills with what I have gone through already and I am looking up towards the peak and I do not know if I will see the summit. And then when I get there are there more mountains behind? Will I ever kick this? My strength is not sufficient to hold me out for more than a couple years of this. I must rely on God's strength for my solutions, but I don't know how much of this, how long, I want to battle this.

This last week was a lot to handle, and I am torn down.

~B.

I can tell there's a problem

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:32:00 +0000

I don't know if sometimes doctor's just think their patients are complete pansies and can't tolerate a little pain or what. Yesterday Every time I laid back in bed my heart would start beating massively fast and it would hurt like crazy. (On top of the already crazy pain I had going on) This morning was the same situation. None of my limbs were going numb or any other heart attack symptoms so I wasn't too concerned other than the pain it was generating.

This afternoon I went into the infusion center to get some blood work done and waited at least 2 hours for results. At first the doctor said, everything looks fine. (I even had an EKG) The nurse came back and told me the doctor said everything looks normal but she could give me some pain killer before I left. I took her up on the option and 10 minutes later she comes back and says, "I called the doctor again and he realized he was looking at last weekend's blood work, not todays. Change in plans, you are critically low on potassium and magnesium. Which would explain why your heart is freaking out."

So they infused me with some of both and told me to come back tomorrow for some more. Pain problem solved. Funny, I thought there was something wrong with me. I try not to make this stuff up.

Thanks for the support the past couple of days as I have dealt with this pain. I am sure that it was your prayers that helped me not "fall through the crack" with the bloodwork mix-up, and was able to get a solution started tonight.

Thanks.

~B.

So tired

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:27:00 +0000

I have been sleeping through the night but my body seems to be working harder than usual to fix itself, and it is leaving me insanely drained. I seriously haven't been in this much prolonged pain since I had shingles at the end of my last bout with this cancer.

They gave me some kind of liquid pain killer that does a pretty good job of taking away the pain, but one of the side effects (besides tasting like pineapple soap) seems to be appetite suppressant and at my last weigh in I was a solid 130lbs. Which is I believe the lowest point I was at last time I had a run in with DSCRT. I BADLY need to gain weight and as much as I would like to do it by eating everything fatty and generally bad for me (Pizza 3 times a week wouldn't be bad for me would it? I mean what if it was veggie pizza?) I really feel like I should at least attempt some pretty healthy eating, being as no one really knows what causes this cancer, it sure wouldn't hurt to hit my body with just about everything healthy I can find. (I've mostly given up beef BTW. More for the health reasons than anything else. I've noticed that when I am recovering that nothing hurts my body so much as some type of beef.)

My "darling" as of late has been salads with blue cheese dressing. I would prefer a Roquefort dressing, but sadly I cannot locate it in the stores. (Also Roquefort is some kind of crazy expensive cheese these days, so I'll have to stick to a simple blue.)

I wanted to thank everyone for the continued outpouring of support. I have to confess that it's weeks like this that my battle seems too much to bear. It's hard living and makes me so tired. Especially when I spend pretty much all day in bed without doing a whole lot. I am very glad for my laptop which becomes a kind of portal to outside.

I miss the rain. It's snowed here a bit this winter, but I could really use some nice rain. I think it would give me a nice cleansing feeling. It's kind of funny that I complain about being bored of lying in bed all day, there really are a million things I could do. However working is one of the main things I would like to be doing. Maybe I just need to change my definition of work to fit something that I can do lying down.

Thanks for the continued love and support.

~B.

Ouch

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 02:07:00 +0000

The past few days I have spent extra time in the infusion center due to some strange and rather intense pain. (Saturday was a 7 on the pain scale and Sunday was an 8) Sometimes these mysterious pains make it very hard to do what I feel like I am supposed to be doing.

Lisa's folks have been in town since Wednesday and they have been a wonderful help both in moving me around, helping Lisa with foods, and keeping me company in the infusion center.

Dear team I really need prayer support. I really feel like I can't do anything and this pain is strange.

~B.

The "hehe" is out of the bag!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 22:29:00 +0000

A quick little note here: I orchestrated the purchase of a 1970's Knight upright Piano for Lisa. With help from some more musically inclined friends I was able to keep the whole thing quiet until Lisa came home from work a little early and say it sitting there. Of well, a surprise none-the less.

You can see a few pictures we took of it on Facebook. (It's a public album so even if you don't have an FB account you should be able to see it)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=372232&id=838975520&l=4f386a7ada.

I left like this was really a way I could tell Lisa thanks for everything she has done over my battle with cancer, and for the many other things that will come from that as well.

Thanks team for the continued support!

~B.

Thursday

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 12:53:00 +0000

Here it is Thursday and I kind of feel like chemo has been going pretty smoothly. I've thrown up ever single morning so far, but the whole process seems to be going more smoothly. All the nurses however look at me like I am INSANE when I tell them how much longer my doctor in Houston said I have to go with this. (8-9 months at this point)

Something tells me that they might have a better idea of what doing this for that long will do to me.

Lisa's parents got into town last night. I hope they don't mind how insanely tired I am at the end of the day. Chest pain ramps up as the chemo hits my body. It makes me pretty fatigued.

Thanks everyone for the love and support. We continue to see it in so many ways.

~B.